Whoever can weep over himself for one hour is greater than the one who is able to teach the whole world; whoever recognizes the death of his own frailty is greater than the one who sees visions of angels. ~Isaac of Nineveh
I ran away once. I don’t remember the reason or the point I was trying to make, but I do remember that I packed a knapsack and hiked into the small stretch of forest that separated our house from a nursing home. Once there, I sat on a large tree stump, with God next to me, for maybe an hour. Then, hungry and bored, I gave up and went home.
I don’t think anyone missed me, even though I had tried to time my demonstrative act as close to dinner as possible, thinking someone might notice if I didn’t show up for a meal. But I didn’t last that long; my family didn’t notice, and whatever point I was trying to make that day died along with my frailty in the forest.
I didn’t know it then, but what I practiced there on that stump was a kind of spiritual self~ reflection. I, God with me, came to the end of myself, to the end of my twelve~year~old will. I recognized at that moment that I was not the center of anyone’s world but my own, and therefore, the only attention I would garner at that moment was also my own, which seemed pointless. So, I went home, back into the fray of community and family, back to being a part of a greater whole.
Learning to be honest with ourselves about ourselves is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and those we love. When we, with God’s help, through God’s presence, reach a place where we can admit without rancor that we are not, in fact, the center of anyone’s universe but our own (nor should we be), our place within the larger community becomes a shared gift instead of demand, an honor instead of a right, a joy instead of a burden.
For Reflection
Have you ever experienced the death of your own frailty? What did that look like or feel like? How did it change your participation in your community?
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