Holiness...has something to do with being who we are, claiming our truths, opening our hearts, giving ourselves to the other pure and unglossed. ~Sr. Joan Chittister, The Rule of Benedict
Once, during a tough season, my therapist introduced me to a nervous system~ regulating concept called the Window of Tolerance. As I understand it, the idea of the Window of Tolerance is very similar to what I call “margin” and what some folk call “emotional bandwidth.” It is a way to talk about our capacity for handling everyday challenges depending on the other stresses, trauma or trauma triggers we are experiencing. Sometimes, our windows are wide open, and we can handle all the big and little common challenges that come our way, and other times, as stress or trauma increases, our windows begin to close, the opening becoming more and more narrow.
During one of my own almost~closed~window seasons, I took a trip home to Arkansas, a trip during which I moved every few nights, visiting as many friends and family members as I could. A different level of intimacy happens when you cohabitate with loved ones, even for a few days. You see each other with bedhead, share bathrooms, argue over thermostats and stay up until it’s too late to suffer pretense. Here, in this closer~than~ normal state, everyone crosses some sort of time and space continuum that results in a different kind of knowing—a knowing that offers the opportunity to see and accept each other exactly as we are, giving ourselves, unglossed, bedhead and all, to each other. It is a knowing that provides emotional safety, helping us open our windows of tolerance just a bit wider as we remember we are not alone and are loved as we are. This kind of emotional safety is part of what Episcopal Relief & Development is doing with their early childhood development programs, helping parents open their own windows of tolerance wider and wider to better provide the nurturing care children need.
For Reflection
What helps you give yourself to others, unglossed and honest, in who you are?
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